DDA

Yes damnit, I am a self confessed ex-DotA disser (I'm pretty sure I just made up that word). I'm here at Dota Dissing Anonymous to share my experience as an ex-Dota disser to all of you so that you would not repeat my mistake again.

Anyone who regards himself as a respectable gamer should know what Dota is. Unless you've been living under a rock for the past 5 years. Which I sincerely hope for the welfare of your mental state, is not the case.

If you haven't been living under a rock and you still don't know what Dota is, you fail in your gaming knowledge.


Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Yes, just a year ago I was dissing Dota as a game, despite never even playing it. As is usual for the majority of society, I was dissing something that I had never even tried.

To quote a line from the movie 'Ah Long', "belum try belum tahu. Sekali try, hari-hari mahu".

Oh, how have the ignorant fallen.

On that dark, fateful stormy night when I was playing CS at the local cybercafe, in she walked. A leggy broad, pretty as a picture. Eyes as blue as the ocean, lips as red as ruby. A tousle of long blonde hair, cascading down to her shoulders. A sexy, elegant and tight dress on her lithe body. Long, slender fingers holding a thin, slowly burning cigarette on a cigarette holder. The room descended into a hush, beady eyes roving all over her body, as smoke from her cigarette arose to frame her head. She was the classic femme fatale. My heart skipped a beat. Her...hey, wait a minute! Is this the film noir script writing class? I was introduced to the game that is Dota. It blew my mind. Mind numbing, orgasm inducing. Never had I played a game like this before. Here was a game of strategy, teamwork and cunning. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. Somewhere in the universe, a sun exploded. A star collapsed. A black hole swallowed an entire galaxy. Man Utd won the Champions League. Drogba announced he was gay who enjoyed buttsecks. Cobra Commander became the president of the United States with his Weather Dominator™. But none of that mattered, compared to the awesomelicious pleasures of Dota.

I played like a man consumed with hunger. Hunger for nothing but Dota. Blink strikes, mana burn and sacred relics were my only sustenance. I broke into a feverish sweat. Hands on mouse and keyboard, eyes on screen as I triple killed, monster killed, beyond godliked and dominated my way to paradise and beyond. My heroes were no longer Cpt. Jack Sparrow or King Leonidas. There were replaced with Sand King and Terrorblade. There was no longer good or evil, there was only the Sentinel and the Scourge. The Tree of Life and the Frozen Throne.

I was a DotA disser no more.