Pleasure and Sorrow

I walked a mile with pleasure
She chattered all the way
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say

I walked a mile with sorrow
And ne'er a word said she
But, oh, the things I learned from her
When sorrow walked with me

- Pleasure and Sorrow, R.B. Hamilton

Dropping the F-Bomb

An interesting article on the F-Word.

Dropping the F-Bomb

The most versatile word in our language can do almost anything, other than be printed in a family newspaper. It can be a noun, a verb, a gerund, an adjective or just an expletive. It can be literal or figurative. Although it has an explicit sexual meaning, it's usually used figuratively these days, as an all-purpose intensifier.

The F-word remains taboo. But just barely. We may be entering an era in which this fabled vulgarity is on its way to becoming just another word -- its transgressive energy steadily sapped by overuse.

For the full article, click here.

Italy 1 - 0 Australia

Dramatic match with Italy pulling an Italian job and stealing the match from Australia in the dying seconds with a penalty. The match started off promisingly with chances from both sides though the first half ended scoreless. Australia took control of possession after the Italian sending off but they failed to take advantage of their extra man. The Italians showing why they are the best defenders in the world by defending resolutely though Australia never really threatened despite having greater possession of the ball, and Italy made Australia pay for trying to drag the game into extra time. There was definitely contact made, though it was more of Grosso making contact with Neill than the opposite, but Australia will feel hard done by.

England 1 - 0 Ecuador

Poor match with poor performances from both teams, especially in the first half. Both teams look uninspired and lacked appetite to win the game. England are especially disappointing (yet again). Terry performed poorly especially in the first half. Lampard is rubbish, he's had a poor tournament. Rooney was the only player in the game who looked exceptionally good, though he was let down by the lack of service.

If England don't get their act together, the quarter-finals will be as far as they will get in the tournament.

Half Time

Well, we've reached the halfway mark of the World Cup now with the end of the group stages and the start of the knockout rounds. We've had a good two weeks of football but the good stuff has really just started with the beginning of the knockout rounds.

Group A
Germany have looked very good in the group stages and I think they can go far in the tournament especially with their home support. Ecuador have proven to be the surprise of the group while Poland has just plain disappointed.

Group B
No surprise here, the teams that were expected to go through have done so, but England haven't been performing to their potential, they will need to buck up or they will be going home once they meet tougher opposition.

Group C
Serbia & Montenegro have been the flop of the tournament, coming into the tournament with a bang, conceding only 1 goal throughout qualification, but going out with a whimper, getting trashed 6 - 0 in the process. Argentina look to be in imperious form.

Group D
No surprise again with the expected teams going through, though I don't expect both Portugal or Mexico to advance far. Angola can go back with their heads held up high, they did extremely well for a country in their situation.

Group E
Italy going through comfortably with the exception of a minor blip in the form of a draw against a gutsy USA. The surprise of the group comes in the form of Ghana, who did well to get a win against the Czechs and ultimately qualify for the last 16. Czechs were very disappointing, as I said before in a previous post, I expected them to advance far in the tournament after the good performance against the USA but they have no one to blame but themselves, shooting themselves in the foot against Ghana.

Group F
Brazil not looking like world champions in the first two games, only looking more like it in the last match against Japan. Well done to the battling Aussies, they deserve to qualify for the last 16 at the expense of Croatia.

Group G
Switzerland going into the last 16 at the top of their group being the only team not to concede a goal in the group stages but it remains to be seen how far they can go in the knockout stages. France are another one of the disappointments in this World Cup, failing to really impose themselves. South Korea fails to repeat their miracle of the last World Cup. South Korean complaints of the Swiss goal being offside are just bitter excuses really, the Korean player playing Frei onside when he got a touch onto the pass and helped it along. Togo are a BIG disgrace. I (and most people) would give away everything I have just to get the chance to play in the World Cup, but the Togolese have the nerve to ask for such a ridiculously huge sum of money just to play a match in the World Cup, especially considering how poor the country is.

Group H
No surprise yet again with Spain and Ukraine advancing though there was a bit of a shock that Ukraine lost 4 - 0 against Spain. Tunisia and especially Saudi Arabia did not shame themselves despite being eliminated from the tournament, the Saudis atoning for their 8 - 0 mauling against Germany in the 2002 World Cup.

Bring on the knockout rounds!

V

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

Top 10 Premature Celebrations

1 Arsenal’s Champions League Parade
Thursday’s Highbury to Islington Town Hall route had already been ordained; yellow signs had been posted to warn off non-Arsenal fans; the open-topped bus had been booked and a podium built for Arsène Wenger to parade the Champions League trophy to his adoring throng. Come Thursday, Islington was eerily quiet, the silence broken only by council employees dismantling a podium.

2 Australia’s splash
Australia's women brilliantly won the 4x200m freestyle relay at the world swimming championships in 2001. In fact, Petria Thomas was so chuffed she jumped back into lane seven to thrash around with joy. Over in lane five, however, the Italians had not yet finished. The Australians were disqualified by what their coach claimed was a “kangaroo court”. It was only following the koala rules, set by wallaby judges.

3 Lindsey Jacobellis’s tumble
Leading the 2006 Olympics snowboard cross at a canter, Jacobellis decided to climax with one last show-off: a hyper-difficult board-grab. She landed on the edge of her board and tumbled over, allowing Switzerland’s Tanja Frieden to take gold and relegating Jacobellis to silver. “I messed up,” she shrugged. “Oh well. It happens.”

4 Nigel Mansell’s wave
The last lap of the 1991 Canadian Grand Prix. Nigel Mansell was so far ahead that he waved to the crowd to celebrate a glorious victory over his Brazilian arch-rival Nelson Piquet. Alas, in the process, the rather bulky Brummie accidentally switched off his Renault-Williams engine and stalled the car. He finished sixth, behind even Bertrand Gachot.

5 The US basketball team’s time-out
In the 1972 Olympic final, the Americans went Cold War crazy when they led 50-49 with three seconds remaining and a time-out was called. As the Americans toasted their 63rd successive victory, the Soviet Union swept down court, Alexander Belov made a basket and his team took gold. The Americans childishly refused to accept their silvers.

6 Don Fox’s conversion
With seconds remaining in the 1968 rugby league Challenge Cup final, a drenched Wakefield Trinity scored a heart-stopping try. A simple penalty conversion in front of the posts would secure them the “watersplash” final over Leeds. Exuberant Trinity fans celebrated as man of the match and dead-eye boot Don Fox stepped up. To their horror, Fox sliced the ball wide, handing victory to Leeds. As Fox squelched off, the very apotheosis of dejection, Eddie Waring uttered the immortal words: “He’s missed it. The poor lad.”

7 Annika Sorenstam’s chip
In 2000, the Solheim Cup at Loch Lomond was going rather well for Europe and Annika Sorenstam. On the final day she chipped in for birdie at the 13th and celebrated wildly. Until the Americans pointed out she had played out of turn and the shot had to be replayed. She missed.

8 Clive Thomas’s whistle
Brazil were hugely relieved when Zico headed home a last-second winner against Sweden in their 1978 Group C game. They danced the samba, pretended it was carnival and lived up to every national stereotype, until referee Clive Thomas announced that he had already blown for time.

9 Roger Loughran’s whip salute
With the recently turned professional Irish jockey Roger Loughran aboard, Central House led as he passed what the rider thought was the winning post at last year’s prestigious Paddy Power Dial-A-Bet Chase at Leopardstown. Loughran stood up and raised his whip to salute the crowd, but he hadn’t won, he had passed a mere post, rather than the actual winning post. Central House finished third and Loughran was banned for 14 days, presumably for stupidity

10 Michael Knighton’s ball juggling
To celebrate his takeover of Manchester United in 1989 for £20m, Michael Knighton “entertained” the Stretford End at Old Trafford with a display of ball-juggling that would have put Ralph Milne to shame. Tragically (for Knighton, if not United), Knighton’s backers, perhaps unable to take him seriously, pulled out of the deal and soon he was on his way to Carlisle United.

Cats and Dogs

EXERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. Got to go to the park! Rolled in some really nasty stuff, was so proud of myself. Humans were less than impressed.
10:30 a.m. Got my tummy rubbed and petted -- I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch: yummy!
1:00 p.m. Played in the yard: I loved it!
3:00 p.m. Stared adoringly at my masters .. they're the best!
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids got home! I was so happy I was bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones -- awesome!
7:00 p.m. Got to play ball! What a day, this was too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow: watching TV with my master! Heavenly!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY: Day 683 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe-- for now. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time...

World Cup Rules For Women

ATTENTION all women - this just might save your marriage, relationship or boyfriend's sanity during the World Cup.

LIST OF RULES

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won't happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this... why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Brazil 2 - 0 Australia

Brazil never looked like world champions in the match. The Australians can be proud of themselves, they created chances of their own and were capable of winning the match and gave Brazil more anxious moments than Brazil would have liked. Credits to them for making Brazil work hard to win the match. The Brazilians looked better in the second half only because Australia were pushing for the equaliser and leaving space behind for the Brazilians to exploit.

Australia look a good bet to qualify for the second round, they won't have it easy against Croatia especially when Croatia themselves have a chance to advance, but the advantage is with Australia.

Brazil should be worried with their performance in the World Cup so far. I for one, am quite happy with Brazil's poor performance (by their standards) as I think it would be quite boring if Brazil were to win the World Cup again. It looks as if it's the end of the road for Ronaldo.

Italy 1 - 1 USA

An exciting, controversial match with the referee taking center stage that had me on the edge of my seat and my eyes glued to the tv. USA performed much better than their match against the Czechs. 60 seconds of madness for the Italians in the first half where they scored an own goal and had a player sent off. Further madness followed with the USA getting two players sent off. The first two sending offs were correct in my opinion but the last one was a bit harsh.

Gattuso's goal in the first half should have been allowed, Toni was clearly onside. The USA goal was rightly disallowed as McBride was offside and interfering with play. The Italians clearly lacked width as everything was going down the middle. The group has been blown wide open now with the Czech - Ghana match and this one with everyone in with a chance to advance to the second round.

Czech Republic 0 - 2 Ghana

A riveting match that swung from end to end, one team attacking while the other defends immediately followed by the defending team attacking and the attacking team defending. Excellent game for the neutral. Disappointing performance by the Czechs after that wonderful performance against the USA. Ghana were much better than I had expected. Ghana had half a dozen chances to finish the game but they didn't, maybe largely due to Petr Cech, who had an awesome game. If it weren't for him, the Czechs would have been further behind.

One thing that I think Ghana should be worried about is their naivety and inexperience. It's all good that they were constantly attacking despite the Czechs threatening to score an equaliser and when other teams in the same situation would have protected a one goal lead by defending, but they missed a lot of chances that should have been buried away (including a penalty) and also acquired numerous offsides that they really shouldn't. All those seem to be a result of them being caught up in the moment and being overzealous in their attacking play. Dangerous way of playing I think that may be punished in the future.

Ujfalusi was silly to get sent off for protesting a penalty of all things, especially considering the position his team was in, 1-0 down and having a penalty awarded against them. Foolish thing to do, protesting a penalty when you know the referee is never going to change his decision.

England 2 - 0 Trinidad & Tobago

Disappointing performance by England for most of the match, though they redeemed themselves towards the end. Credits to Trinidad & Tobago, gutsy performance by them.

I would have like to see Gerrard in a more attacking role. Call me biased (as I'm a Liverpool fan and I hate Chelsea) but I think Gerrard could have done much better than Lampard in the attacking midfield role. I was thinking this even before Gerrard scored and his goal just strengthens my opinion. Gerrard, one shot, one goal. Lampard spurned a truckload of opportunities.

Lennon and Downing played well, those two injected much needed pace into the English play and they are both for the future. Owen was well below par, Rooney was much better than him despite being rushed back from injury. Rooney being available can only be nothing but good news for England. Except for the goal, Crouch turned in a subpar performance.

Rob Gonsalves

Seamless pictures by Rob Gonsalves

http://www.sapergalleries.com/Gonsalves.html

Awesome

Trompe-l'œil

Trompe-l'œil (French for "trick the eye" from tromper - to deceive and l'œil - the eye) is an art technique involving extremely realistic imagery in order to create the optical illusion that the depicted objects really exist.

Julian Beever is an extremely talented chalk artist who draws trompe-l'œil drawings with chalk on pavements.

http://users.skynet.be/J.Beever/pave.htm

The illusion only works if viewed from a certain viewpoint.

Spain 4 - 0 Ukraine

One sided affair with Ukraine clearly second best. The referee got it all wrong, that wasn't a penalty and red card as there was clearly no contact. I don't know how much of an effect did the penalty and sending off had on Ukraine as they showed some promise in the opening seconds of the second half only for it to be halted by the sending off and subsequent goal.

Spain looks great and I'm expecting them to go far in the tournament. Ukraine won't be happy with their performance but they will probably still favour their chances to advance to the knock out stages with matches against Saudi Arabia and Tunisia, especially after the two teams drew. However, Ukraine will certainly have to improve on today's performance if they want to advance further than the second round.

France 0 - 0 Switzerland

The match started out promisingly, the first half was pretty entertaining to watch with Switzerland having the best chance when Frei hit the post. The match got deadlocked though in the second half, with both teams looking like they were out of ideas. Switzerland had another excellent chance to score in the second half only to be thwarted by the feet of Barthez. The referee had a party with his cards.

Czech Republic 3 - 0 USA

The Czechs were in control of the match as they won comfortably. Certainly showed that they are one of the teams to watch in the tournament.

Rosicky scored an excellent first goal, almost got another similiar one which would have given him a hat-trick. Arsenal must be delighted to acquire his services.

I'm slightly bemused by Bruce Arena who looked unconcerned throughout the match. It looked as if everything was going to plan for him.

The match shows what a laugh the world rankings are. The Czechs are ranked 2nd in the world, while the USA are 5th. While the Czechs justified their ranking, the Americans didn't.

Australia 3 - 1 Japan

Well done Australia. Drab affair probably caused by the heat that really sparked into life in the last 10 minutes. They certainly did well to fight back in the searing heat to get the equaliser. After holding on to the lead for about an hour, Japan's morale and momentum dipped after the equaliser while Australia's soared and it was all Aussie from that moment on. I don't think the Japan goal should have stood despite Lucas Neill pushing the Japanese player into his own keeper.

Mexico 3 - 1 Iran

More entertaining game than I had expected with Iran surprising me by performing better than my expectations. They held their own against Mexico in the first half, though they lost steam in the second half. They had some hope of holding on to a draw but after Mexico's second goal, it all went downhill. They have nobody to blame but themselves though, poor piece of defending by Iran contributed to Mexico's second goal.

Germany 4 - 2 Costa Rica

What a way to start the World Cup. Great match to kick off the World Cup with a bang. The highest scoring opening match in history. Germany looked sharp in attack, but their defence is a bit suspect. We'll see how well their defence holds up against Poland. Lahm had a good game with a brilliantly curled opening goal. Frings' goal was a screamer and a great way to cap off the match.

2006 FIFA World Cup Germany

And so it begins. The FIFA World Cup, the pinnacle of football and the most prestigious sporting tournament in the world. Every four years, the world halts to a stop for a month and focuses on the exploits of 32 teams vying for glory and immortality in the greatest sport ever known to mankind, football. People cheer, they cry, they weep, they even die as the goals go in and the teams go out. And this year, all eyes will be in Germany and it's 10 host cities.

Football. Just a sport to some, but a religion to others. And what a sport it is. FIFA, football's world governing body, has more members than the UN. If Earth were to have an official sport, it would be football. It is one of those rare things that can bring hope and cheer to an entire nation. Football, it is indeed, the beautiful game.

Here's to a wonderful, passionate month filled with beautiful flowing football. Cheers!

The Top 100 Things I’d Do If I Joined a Sci-Fi Special Ops Team

1. I would refuse to go into the underground research facility.

2. I would refuse to go into the deep-space research facility.

3. I would refuse to go into the deep-sea research facility.

4. I would refuse to go into the radio-blacked out colony.

5. I would refuse to go into the derelict alien ship.

6. I would refuse to go into the abandoned ghost ship.

7. If I was then forced into attempting any of the above six missions, I would attempt to go AWOL. Prison showers are almost certainly preferable to what awaits.

8. When going on a mission, I would certainly carry more than one gun. I would carry as many as humanly possible.

9. In line with #8, I would carry more than one clip per gun. I have a belt, and I intend to fill it.

10. If the hallways of the operations area are big enough to allow it, I intend to bring along a small field artillery piece as well.

11. No matter what my commanding officer says, if my job is to plant a nuclear device to destroy the facility/ship, it is not necessary for me to endanger my life by traveling to the center of the structure to plant the bomb, I’m sure the entrance will prove just as effective.

12. If my job is to disable the A/I system that runs the facility/ship, and this would require me to go to the center of the structure, I will just plant a small nuclear device at the entrance. If the blast doesn’t get it, the EMP will.

13. If I am equipped with body armor, and it proves ineffective against whatever killed everyone in the facility/ship, I will ditch it and use the saved weight to carry more guns.

14. Along the same lines, if the body armor is ineffective and so are the guns, I will ditch both and set a new track record on my way out of the ops area.

15. I will refuse to wear any helmet that restricts my peripheral vision and does not allow me to see something rising up/dropping down right beside me.

16. I will request to be equipped with a helmet that has a small HUD linked to a camera on the back of my helmet. An additional HUD linked to a upward-pointing top mounted camera would be nice as well.

17. If I am going into some top secret facility that has lost radio communication with the outside world, I will make damn sure that I am in possession of a high quality, up to date map in a form that will not be rendered unreadable by contact with liquid.

18. If I could not obtain a map, and found myself lost/trapped in the facility, I would not rely on the unstable, homicidal central A/I to provide me with escape routes.

19. If I am inside a facility/ship after the shit has hit the fan, and find myself without a map, I will head to the nearest computer terminal and consult Yahoo! Maps. The facility was built by a corporation or the government, and they can certainly afford an internet connection.

20. If there is a self-destruct mechanism or impenetrable blast doors set on a running timer within the building/ship I am ordered to enter, I will guard the entrances until the timer runs out, then leave. The problem will take care of itself eventually, so there is no need to risk myself.

21. If mine is not the first team to be sent into the area, I will take a little time off to wonder why.

22. If the music suddenly gets really creepy, start spinning around with your finger on the trigger. Whoever was guarding your back is probably gone by this point anyway.

23. Before I go on each mission, I will rent Aliens, Resident Evil, Event Horizon, and other similar movies for pointers. I will defer the costs to my employer as “training expenses”.

24. If there is something dripping from the ceiling up ahead, I won’t bother to check if it’s just water. I will leave the area immediately by the quickest available route.

25. If I hear odd noises, I will not be foolish enough to investigate it alone. I will take a friend. Or two. With big guns.

26. If I am ordered to investigate the noise by my commanding officer, I will take everyone else in the squad with me. By the time we return to where the CO was waiting, the problem will probably have solved itself.

27. If I am forced to walk underneath a hole in the ceiling, I will be cautious. I will investigate it thoroughly with high explosives.

28. Likewise, if I hear odd noises coming from the ceiling, I will not lift up a panel and stick my head up to have a look around. I will lift up the panel and shove a grenade up there.

29. Similarly, if I am forced to pass a hole/grate in the walls or floor, I will throw a grenade in to make sure it is clear now, and set proximity mines to make sure it is clear later.

30. Unless it is my last chance for survival, I will never go into any type of ventilation shaft. I know that whatever chased me up there will almost certainly be able to move faster than me in an enclosed space.

31. I will always take some sort of sword with me in addition to a multitude of projectile weapons. That way, when I run out of ammunition, and I will, I won’t have to ineffectually slap at an opponent before being killed.

32. Knowingly entering a facility where illegal genetic research is being preformed would be consigning myself to death by stupidity. Therefore, I wouldn’t enter, even if this entailed killing the rest of my team to avoid it.

33. I would never enter a dark room. I would throw in a handful of grenades and move on, assured that if anything is still alive in there, it isn’t happy.

34. I won't make the mistake of shooting something with my smallest gun first, and then working my way up through the larger firearms. I would start with my biggest gun, and if that didn’t work, run like hell.

35. If I was sent off with only one companion, I would make sure it is someone I could outrun. That way, I can get away while whatever was chasing us chews on him.

36. If there are women on the team, I will never sleep with them right before a mission. One or the other of us will almost certainly not make it back, and I don’t like 50/50 odds.

37. If a team-member disappears mysteriously for a long period of time and the just as mysteriously reappears, I will shoot them immediately and save myself a lot of trouble.

38. I will periodically look up. The importance of this can never be overstated.

39. If I am in a genetic research lab and there are lots of cages whose steel doors have been torn out, I will think about how much punishment those doors could take. Then I will think about how much punishment my frail human body can take. Then I will start thinking about where those exits were.

40. No matter how tempted I am, I will never deactivate the main power grid in a research facility. I know there is a reason that those doors are magnetically locked and electrified.

41. I will also never deactivate the main computer in a facility. Even though its automated defenses may be slaughtering the rest of the team, they are still holding back whatever killed the original occupants.

42. I will stay away from any elevators. Nothing good ever comes from
an elevator in these situations.

43. I will never negotiate with whatever is trying to kill my team. The dialogue will almost certainly be along the lines of “Me hungry, you food”.

44. If one of my team-members gets bitten, cut, sprayed with, or otherwise exposed to a bio-agent, I will kill them immediately. They will only turn on me, and the antidote never works anyway.

45. The sexiest female will always make it out, mainly because she is surrounded by men who willingly throw themselves in the path of anything that attempts to harm her. I will stay close to that female, and when I am the last male left, I will throw her in the path of whatever is attempting to harm us.

46. I will make sure that when I finally make my exit from the ops area, I have conserved a decent amount of ammunition. Something always goes wrong during the escape.

47. If I find only one survivor from among 500 or so people, I will not trust them. They had to do something to survive the carnage that killed 500 people, and I don’t think it was just run really fast.

48. I will make sure the team will under no circumstances split up. It never helps.

49. If upon arriving in the ops area I hear a lot of screams from inside or see a lot of obviously mutilated dead bodies, I will leave the ops area and come back later. With more people. And bigger guns.

50. I will train myself to keep my cool under pressure well enough to hit a head sized target at a range of 10 feet.

51. I will request that any ops team I am a part of be issued body armor with environmental resistance, which provides protection from things like fire, airborne viruses, and acid.

52. I will also request that aforementioned armor have a reflective mirrored surface, to help with those pesky automated laser defenses.

53. If I see something in the shadows up ahead that at first glance does not appear human, I will forgo taking the time for a second look and lob a grenade at it instead.

54. If I see something in the shadows up ahead that at first glance appears vaguely human, I will forgo taking the time for a second look and lob a grenade at it instead.

55. If I see something in the shadows up ahead that at first glance appears human, I will forgo taking the time for a second look and lob a grenade at it instead. Better safe than sorry.

56. If multiple survivors are found during the course of the mission, they will be given a gun and told to make themselves useful.

57. However, if these survivors created or want to study whatever depopulated the facility/ship, they will not be given guns as they cannot be trusted to use them at the crucial moment, due to their conflict of interests.

58. Between missions I will lobby for legislature to require all secret research facilities to have heavily stocked ammo dumps in easily accessible, well marked locations.

59. If my team is required to use motion detectors, they better be able to scan 360 degrees, not merely 90.

60. If the body count is currently over 500, I will politely inform my superiors that an 8-man operations team isn’t going to cut it.

61. If any member of the team is prone to claustrophobia, diver’s high, space-mania, or panic attacks, I will deliver a request to the CO that they be left behind, instead of just being given a pep talk.

62. If any member of the team proves to be a corporate/government spy, I will shoot them before anyone else can react, saving the trouble of taking them prisoner only so they can escape later and sabotage the mission.

63. I will recommend that any form of transportation we have be parked well away from the trouble spot, and that the operator stays in it and keeps the doors sealed until the team is standing outside and ready to leave.

64. If we have a spare transport I will recommend that we have a spare pilot as well, to save having to remote control fly the transport in if something happens to the first.

65. If any member of the team takes a revolver on the mission, I will take it from them, hand them an automatic, and then slap them silly for being so stupid.

66. I will ensure that all guns have perfectly calibrated laser sights, even if I must pay for them myself, so that missing a headshot is inexcusable.

67. If the team gets out of an operations area and find we are missing a man, I will recommend we leave his ass. He should have kept up in the first place.

68. If our mission is to shut down a rogue A/I, I will not discuss our plans in any room with a visible camera and/or audio pickup.

69. Screw shoulder-mounted flashlights, Ill carry a pair of night vision goggles even if the cost has to come out of my paycheck.

70. The same goes for little pen-lights. I will carry a 3 foot mag-lite with a halogen bulb. That way, not only do I get a huge flashlight range, it can double as a club in tight situations.

71. If I am low on ammunition, I won’t hesitate to roll the bodies of my teammates for ammo. They certainly don’t need it anymore.

72. If I learn that the beings we are fighting have acid for blood or that their blood contains some sort of bio-agent, I will make damn sure I am at least 15 feet away from any I shoot.

73. If my team possesses an APC, but it won’t fit into the corridors of the ops area, I’ll rectify the situation with explosives instead of going in on foot.

74. Just in case my opponents will be using cloaking devices that short out upon contact with water, I will always carry a small super-soaker pistol with me on missions.

75. If I am forced to pick a position within a facility from which to make a last stand, it will not be a room which can easily be breached by going above the ceiling or under the floor.

76. If I hear a low hissing or moaning directly behind me, I will take off running without thinking. Whatever it is, its first bite of me is going to be ass.

77. If anyone in the squad has a flamethrower, I will make sure everyone else is trained to instinctively duck whenever he even begins to turn around.

78. When the team’s mission is to plant a bomb I will make sure we have more than one bomb, and more than one person who knows how to plant it.

79. If I am going into an area in where research in biological warfare was occurring, I will not remove my gas mask before entering the facility.

80. If there is a countdown to an explosion or the sealing off of the facility, I will set my watch timer 10 minutes ahead of that to give myself a margin of safety.

81. If any of the people we’ve rescued or one of my team members starts to convulse and scream, I'll have the guy with the flamethrower hose them down and then move on. If it is the napalm guy I’ll just shoot the tank. Whatever made them do it, I seriously doubt it was a cramp.

82. If my team has heavy weaponry with us, I will not wait until there are only a few people left and we are surrounded and in dire straits to use them. I will use them as early and as often as possible.

83. Similarly, if I have a large ship in orbit over the planet, and find out that there are no survivors in a heavily infested area, I will call for an orbital bombardment of the hot zone.

84. If I hear odd noises coming from a grate nearby, I won’t stare quizzically at it and shine a weak flashlight beam through the grate, I will immediately empty my current clip into the grate then kick it in and send a grenade into the tunnel.

85. If we have prisoners, and one of them is talking to me steadily in a calm voice while staring behind me, I will immediately dive to the side and roll to hose whatever was about to attack me. I will show the same response if a team-member looks behind me with an expression of horror.

86. If I address a query to the guy that should be behind me, and receive no immediate response, I will immediately break into a dead run, dropping grenades along the way.

87. If I find that rooms marked on my map as dining halls turn out to be full of stasis chambers and odd piping instead, I will immediately leave the ops area and refuse to enter until I get a damn good explanation.

88. If we manage to ambush whatever was killing us, and I hear a high pitched beeping and it starts laughing, I will be smart enough to just start running, instead of searching it for the timer.

89. I will never walk through water any deeper than I can see down into. I won’t walk in the water period if there is electric cabling nearby.

90. Any transports that we bring into the ops area and intend to use to escape will have cameras on the outside to allow us to scan for unwanted guests.

91. Along the same line, the landing bay/pad we return to will have several large turrets to take care of any stowaways we miss.

92. I will point out to my superiors that if the corporation/government has enough money to fund an 8 man black ops team, they have enough damn money to buy us a remote controlled robot with cameras that we can send in to scout the area first.

93. My favored method of advance down a dark corridor will be with a five-man team, the first man hosing down the corridor in front, the second throwing a grenade, the third hauling the huge cart of ammo and explosives the fourth throwing a grenade behind us, and the fifth hosing down the corridor behind. Take ten steps, repeat.

94. My favored method of advance down a well-lit corridor will be with a five man team, the first man hosing down the corridor in front, the second throwing a grenade, the third hauling the huge cart of ammo and explosives the fourth throwing a grenade behind us, and the fifth hosing down the corridor behind. Take ten steps, repeat.

95. If a cat comes flying out of a vent, scaring the crap out of me, I will unload a clip into the vent. *Something* scared the cat.

96. I will hold the belief that heavy breathing from the nearby darkness is not to be investigated. It is to be used for target practice.

97. Warning shots are for wusses. Fire for effect, that’s my motto.

98. If the other people with me have all disappeared, I won’t bother wandering around the immediate area looking for them and yelling their names, peering into dark rooms.

99. When any member of my squad dies, I will have them hosed down with the flamethrower or plant a proximity mine on them. No use feeding or increasing the numbers of whatever is trying to kill us.

100. If I die on a mission, it will be because I snapped my neck trying to look everywhere at once.

Kim Jung-Hwa

Discovered this stunningly beautiful South Korean actress while I was flipping through the channels and stumbled upon a Korean drama series she was in, Something About 1%.

Luis Royo

The Announcement

I'd like to draw your attention to a particular person. Luis Royo. If fantasy and sci-fi is your thing, this guy has a really fantastic collection of paintings.

His stuff is dark, bleak and at times highly sensual with nudity so it may not be everyone's cup of tea. There are also paintings of women and humanoid creatures engaging in indecent activities. It's not meant to shock you like a horror movie and there's no gore, but it's definitely something you don't see everyday. It's done quite tastefully and elegantly though, if I might say so.

He also does book covers, which may explain why some of his stuff looks as if they might have come off from the cover of a book.

The following site has high quality scans of his works.

http://www.jormungand.de/

Here are some samples.

Dolls

Avalanch

Fallen Angel

The Wait

The Tower

There's No More Wind

The Wind from Hastings

John Constantine

John Constantine is freaking awesome. Why? He tricked the devil into drinking holy water. He's the only person the devil will personally come to claim when he dies. He made the devil cure his lung cancer, save his life and try to ensure his survival when the devil would like nothing better than to see him dead. He flipped the finger to the devil. He made the devil declare him as the devil's own devil. He managed to score a hat-trick in screwing over the devil. What a resume.

I've read up to Issue 60 of the Hellblazer series so far and I must say, it's magnificent. The movie is very good and one of my favourite movies, but the comic is far better. For those who have watch the movie but have not read the comics, there are some differences. First of all, Constantine is British. In fact, he bears a striking resemblance to a young Sting (specifically as he appeared in the movie Quadrophenia). This is not coincidental. The artists of Constantine who are fans of Police have stated before that they had wanted to draw a character that looked like Sting. However, the movie did get the atmosphere, mood and tone of the comic right, though the comic is far darker.

The thing I like about Constantine is that he's not like other comic book heroes. He doesn't have magical superpowers. He's just a normal person, like one of us. He is also an anti-hero, manipulating people (even his friends, though reluctantly) to achieve his goals. Although at times heroic, he does things mostly to ensure his own survival.

http://www.dccomics.com/features/hellblazer/

For those interested, you can download the first issue of Hellblazer for free from the link above.

The Dreaming

People think dreams aren't real just because they aren't made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes.